shitluck

I spent half the day with Rachel; the other half trying to regain a sense of focus. The fight of my life seems to be a balance of relation with a strong dose of isolation to work this oft-forsaken craft. Meditation--picked it back up today in a moment of ramshackle perception. I find the mind has to ride the crest and trough of melody to release the walls of convention. Coming back into a lucid state now--to find the realization of artistic blockade. A blockade on the subject of relationship. I cannot depict the divine gift I have with my partner accurately. It's the kind of cancer that has me paranoid there will be further paranoia--leading to confusion, leading to long conversations with pretty girls who aren't her, leading me right back into a cycle of infidelity I have rutted myself in for so long.